there shall be no peace in the world so long as the angel resists me

Let us, friends, revisit the most recent Taco Fridays. I have fulfilled one of my many obligations and have brought you documentation of our mistakes. Pardon me, your mistakes. I ain't make none.




Just doin' a thing is all. I hope you happy and dry.

BLAST FROM 'DA' PAST

As we have said before, here at Taco Friday we are committed to bringing you the best, every time. There will be no Taco Friday this week, but instead, please enjoy a selection from my personal Goofus and Gallant fanfic archive.

"Good Salesmanship" - Goofus captures rats and sells them to younger children as "puppies." Gallant only sells real puppies, at affordable prices.

"Respect for Family" - Gallant helps his mother with the chores. Goofus sneaks out at night to shove beef suet into the tailpipes of neighborhood cars.

"Keeping Ahead of the Class" - Gallant hands in his homework on time. Goofus only raises his hand in class to speak when he feels that flatulence is coming on. He does not stop talking when he begins to pass gas.

"Your Body is Your Temple" - Gallant stays in bed when he is ill, so that he will get better quickly. Goofus reads medical texts, and then fakes potentially fatal ailments with eerie accuracy.

Taco Friday resumes in several weeks, on Friday, May 7th. Have an idea for Taco Friday? Please do tell. I've gotten bored of typical human interaction and am willing to ... experiment.

boombastic/inelastic/made of plastic/starts to fade but then goes faster

Taco Friday for Friday, APE-ril 16th

Taco Friday is today, my droogs. Since no one has RSVPed, I can only assume that it will just be me, sitting here, eating ten peoples worth of tacos and bourbon, yelling at myself and simultaneously making fun of and promoting my own penis. It's going to be a complicated affair.

JUST KIDDING, KIND OF. If you plan on coming, let me know sort of soon or else I swear to all dead gods that I will gut you just like a scared pig.

a fox shits copper

I'm not going to beat around the bush, people. I've got an announcement. Sit down if you're not already.

I'm sure you're familiar with the Clap-o-meter, if not by name. You may not know that Taco Friday also has a Clap-o-meter of sorts, except that it doesn't measure applause. This peculiar device determines the amount of fun had at one of our functions by the difference in the amount of whiskey in the bottle at the beginning of the night versus the amount the next morning. By overwhelming consensus as determined by this "bourbometer" (bur-BAHM-et-er) there will be back-to-back Taco Fridays. The week of April 12th features a Taco Friday at the same taco place and time, and goddamnit, we are going to have fun.

This post serves as a sort of placeholder. More information/uninhibited sass will follow later in the week.

Tacos Risen

Taco Friday for Friday, April 9th

Last Taco Friday was such a complete success/mess that it's taken me this long to get back into the throne in which I sit to write these dispatches. Thanks to everyone who came, especially the new folks. This throne, by the way, is not a metaphor. Ask Me About My Throne; No, It's Not My Toilet.

This complete exhaustion that sometimes follows Taco Friday reminds me that my friends and companions are like leeches that drain the little precious vitality that I have. You, reader, are like a parasite of the best sort. The liquor that we drink is my blood, which you somehow digest into friendship. If we follow this analogy to its logical conclusion, you use the friendship that you draw from me to spawn your fiendish vampire worm offspring. No, I'm not deleting this paragraph; we're just going to play it fast and loose.

If it's not clear from this, I am inviting you to a Taco Friday this week. This week's affair will be more like the days of yore. Not quite like the days of yore, but basically this means that T.F. will be slightly less elaborate than the more recent days. I'm going to make you tacos, and then, I am going to drink so much that I lie through my liar's teeth. Sorry, or, you're welcome.

Please let me know what up.