Taco Friday lost and found

The management has found the following items upon morning cleanup and encourages you to claim your lost possessions. Items not claimed within seven days will somehow be used in conjunction with urine.

1. Tupperware container with red lid
2. Security access badge, presumably with access to a pharmaceutical company
3. The shame of a lost generation (claimed)
   
4. Three headbands fashioned from red warning tape reading "DANGER PELIGRO" (claimed)

ALSO FOUND:

1. A bag of groceries, including parsnips (added 18:50:01) (claimed)
   
2. A black knitted hat (added 18:50:22)

Thank you,
TFMGMT