FINALLY, here is YOUR CHANCE to WIN IT ALL and FINALLY be an adult in YOUR PARENTS EYES and also become SUPREMELY ATTRACTIVE to the GENDER(s) of your PREFERENCE. It is not hyperbola to say that this is the most important decision you will ever make in your "nasty, brutish, and short" life. Would you like to....
If you thought that old shrimp and movie-to-children's book adaptations of the Home Alone series were rewards beyond measure, then your expectations are perfectly in line with reality. This prize is different, however, in that you finally get to make a difference in your world in the smallest way. Yesterday, your meek flame could have expired with only a tax record and parking tickets to prove you even existed. Tomorrow, you could have changed the consumptive pattern of at least four people. You will know power.
Decisions will be rendered in a totally arbitrary and opaque process which requires no input from anyone else. Bribes will not be accepted except when they are.
