Taco Friday Grab Bag

Taco Friday for Friday, July 2nd

Here at Taco Friday, we receive a lot of correspondence. We'll take this opportunity to answer some of the many questions that come in on a weekly basis. We wish we could answer each one personally, but there are just so many! Please don't let that stop you; we love to hear feedback of any sort.

Why does Adam's pee smell like an elephant pen at the zoo? It's grassy and clean to the extent of piquing curiosity, but ultimately nauseating. -T.N. of Somerville

Thanks, T.N. This smell is caused by a surprisingly large number of urinary tract infections, not diet as many believe. The vast majority of these infections are symbiotic with the others, resulting in a sort of miniature ecosystem in Adam's bladder and urethra. The net result is not especially deleterious, but very strongly scented.

If I was punched at Taco Friday, could I be pregnant? -B.H. of Arlington

Not just could be, B.H., but definitely are! I would recommend giving up alcohol and buying a pair of knitting needles, some yarn, and keeping your fingers busy before the little one arrives. Congratulations.

Will there be a Taco Friday this week? My life is a fucked apart dead thing when I'm not having fun. -Y.T.D. of Somerville

YOU GOT IT, Y.T.D. Taco Friday kicks back off this Friday at the same taco time, same taco place as you've grown to love/tolerate. As always, R.S.V.P. so I know what the hell I'm doing with my life.

Taco Friday hat trick, feat.Jay Pyle

Taco Friday for Friday, June 18th

Word on the street is that your friend and mine, Jay Pyle, will be hosting the last true Taco Friday of the spring (This has been confirmed - ed.). For those of you who may not have met the man, let me give you a questionnaire to determine if Jay Pyle is right for you.

• Do you enjoy tall men?
  
• Are you between the ages of 18-35 and have a family history of Parkinson's disease?
  
• Have you ever killed a rodent or teenager in anger, in jest, or by accident?
  
• Do you enjoy, or are you willing to experiment with, hugs from behind?

If you answered "yes" to at least two of these statements, then all aboard! Jay Pyle should not be handled by pregnant women or women who may become pregnant. Jay Pyle lives at 135 Central St., Apt. #5 in Somerville. In case of emergency or questions, he can be reached via the internet. I recommend that you RSVP directly to Jay, though the Taco Friday Customer Service Team remains perpetually at your service, "a mighty servant who never sleeps."

death is my mother, fear is my father

Taco Friday for Friday, June 11th

HEY HEY HEY

We are in for a double-header; tacos on Friday, AND THEN tacos on Friday. This is to celebrate the arrival of summer and also the departure of grody, grody spring. Things that were horrible about spring: rainpocalyse, the death-blow dealt to the FTC, etc.

It's time for more tacos. Last Friday was a return to yelling and talking about my dick; let's keep a good thing going. Themes are a thing of the past; Taco Friday returns to form. Semi-colons are a return to letting you know that I went to college. Come to this thing, guys.

RUE THE DAY

I try to keep this tacoblog as business-oriented as possible, but because of the gravity of the event I am going to break cadence and post some personal news. It is with great sadness that I inform you that my Transit Connect was struck by the act of a foul god. Its fate hangs in the balance of presumably skilled, presumably union auto mechanics.



Hearts and minds, folks. Hearts and minds.

NVR 4GET

If you have horses, hold onto them RIGHT NOW

Taco Friday for Friday, June 4th

Yeah I said it. HOLD 'EM.

Guys it's Wednesday and I am telling you about a Friday Taco Friday. I know it's late and I know I'm disappointing you. Guys I know. Allow me to assuage your disappointment, if ever so slightly.

I feel that we've somehow lost the true meaning of Taco Friday in the rush of everyday life. Yes, we don't always get as much sleep as we'd like and sometimes we stop and get fast food instead of a proper meal. We all do it and we chalk these little transgressions up to one-time-only decisions, minor stop signs and traffic signals on the road to a better life. Taco Friday sits itself in the passenger seat, glaring sideways at you and your sinful choices. Whatever it is that you disdain, yet permit, is horrible and anathema. By way of metaphor, think of permitting yourself to fart in a jar, once a week. After a month, you may not even notice the microscopic, aerosol filth particles that coat the jar. After a lifetime, however, your jar technically puts you outside of the protections granted by the the Geneva Convention. This is the most perfect metaphor.

To apply this clownwreck to your everyday life, Taco Friday is the most actual form of entertainment and comradery that exists. Whatever else you decide to do will only, in the long run, fill up your jar with e. coli and waste. Come to this goddamned taco party and drink some goddamned whiskey.