WE DOIN' THIS

Taco Friday for Friday, February 4th

The fake votes are in: your opinions don't matter and I am going to do whatever I wanted to do anyway. The winner is...

BOURBON

Yes, the next Taco Effin' Freitag is going to be bourbon, but get this. In food. Bourbon shrimp tacos, with a sidebar of pinto beans featuring white wine for those who can engage in neither bourbon nor shrimp. Any detractors who want to dress up nice can either a) dress up nice anyway or b) wait 'til the next affair. We doin' this (see title), and we doin' this right. In case you have never seen a shrimp before:



YUMMERS. Bring your "S" game. Your life is small, your loves are false, etc.

YOU CAN WIN IT @LL CLICK HERE

FINALLY, here is YOUR CHANCE to WIN IT ALL and FINALLY be an adult in YOUR PARENTS EYES and also become SUPREMELY ATTRACTIVE to the GENDER(s) of your PREFERENCE. It is not hyperbola to say that this is the most important decision you will ever make in your "nasty, brutish, and short" life. Would you like to.... decide what theme or food type will be served at the next installment of your favorite taco-themed Friday social gathering?

If you thought that old shrimp and movie-to-children's book adaptations of the Home Alone series were rewards beyond measure, then your expectations are perfectly in line with reality. This prize is different, however, in that you finally get to make a difference in your world in the smallest way. Yesterday, your meek flame could have expired with only a tax record and parking tickets to prove you even existed. Tomorrow, you could have changed the consumptive pattern of at least four people. You will know power.

Decisions will be rendered in a totally arbitrary and opaque process which requires no input from anyone else. Bribes will not be accepted except when they are.

horrible taco thoughts [II]

Yes, dear reader, we sit on the very cusp of a "Taco Friday for the ages." In mere minutes it will begin and you will have all of your dreams fulfilled. Yet have you ever considered what Taco Friday means to you? Or for that matter, what Taco Friday really means? If you haven't, you are probably a bad person and a worse friend. I hope you go to jail.

Taco Friday's central idea is the elimination of fear. This is simple enough, but consider the implications as fear is the polar opposite of love. As we batter down that part of us that winces at challenge or that will make another trip to the store rather than ask that stranger if they could move so we could get that damned can of beans, we genuinely feel greater love. All you have to do is say "yes."

That is not the end, that is not the end at all. There are many fears and we oppose them all. Fear of conflict, fear of cats, fear of a lack of cats, fear of tiny holes. I would continue, but I have to go and make taco for y'all jerks.

PEACE OUT

horrible taco thoughts [I]

I assure you, dear readers, that I am no good. I can't even say that I wanted you to engaged in remotely positive behavio[u]r. I want you to be the worst/best that you can be, raging as an enraged and simply furious tornado of human filth. I want you to express and then dissipate, happily, as fog subliming from an unusual winter day. I want whatever you find at your terrible core to bloom.

We. Are. Reasonable. People. What if you offend me? What if you do me wrong? My forgiveness transcends even your apology. "I forgive you what you did to me; but that you did it to yourself - how would I forgive you that?" Find it in yourself to forgive yourself; that is our maxim. Participant of joy, steady your trembling hands. Taco Friday absorbs your desire and melts it with the desires of others, into the molten mess of our shared experience.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh [Taco Friday] R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

In the absence of light, shadows take the shapes of our memories and fears; your mother towering over you, arms outstretched as you are powerlessly taken into her loving breast; toothed things which hold in laughter as they grab at your ankles; cats whose curled tails brush against your knees and then disappear. It is no small thing, then, that during the long nights your life has been without certainty, devoid of the glowing torch of an ostensibly taco-themed mess.

Ignorance is no excuse for breaking the law. I therefore take all responsibility for the suffering and phantom terrors you've experienced in lieu of Taco Friday. Even though I was deaf to your wailing, I am guilty of neglect in the same way that this cat hoarder is.

Penance is in order, not restitution.

In that same vein, expect constant horrible taco thoughts here on THIS VERY BLOG until the next Taco Friday, which will be on Friday, January 21st. There is exactly one Four Loko remaining in my refrigerator and whoever wants it bad enough will get it, and also have to drink the entire thing. It is watermelon flavored.