In the absence of light, shadows take the shapes of our memories and fears; your mother towering over you, arms outstretched as you are powerlessly taken into her loving breast; toothed things which hold in laughter as they grab at your ankles; cats whose curled tails brush against your knees and then disappear. It is no small thing, then, that during the long nights your life has been without certainty, devoid of the glowing torch of an ostensibly taco-themed mess.
Ignorance is no excuse for breaking the law. I therefore take all responsibility for the suffering and phantom terrors you've experienced in lieu of Taco Friday. Even though I was deaf to your wailing, I am guilty of neglect in the same way that this cat hoarder is.
Penance is in order, not restitution.
In that same vein, expect constant horrible taco thoughts here on THIS VERY BLOG until the next Taco Friday, which will be on Friday, January 21st. There is exactly one Four Loko remaining in my refrigerator and whoever wants it bad enough will get it, and also have to drink the entire thing. It is watermelon flavored.
1 comment:
i resent your invocation of watermelons as a coded message from our black islamic non-American president bHo.
God bless America.
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