Taco Friday: The Manhattan Project

Taco Friday for Friday, May 7th



WHO COULD BE SO LUCKY, a themed Taco Friday is here this week! A real theme. I didn't even have much fun at "Gorilla Until Proven Human," either. This theme, "The Manhattan Project," celebrates both the classy, classy drink and one of the most monumental feat of engineering which, through its parents - the corpus of scientific knowledge of humanity and three years of intense international efforts - gave birth to the Trinity bomb, a twenty kiloton baby of explosive death which came screaming into our world on 16 July 1945 at the White Sands Proving Ground in New Mexico.

Despite my strong desire I will not require everyone to read The Making of the Atomic Bomb by Richard Rhodes; I will still require your very personal efforts, though. Instead of colluding to create an atrocity, you will try your durndest to make the best damned Manhattan possible. Your research team? Classic Manhattan recipes. Your laboratory? All of the traditional ingredients and garnishes, plus maybe some funny ones (GOAT DICKS). There can only be one winner, but there can be many drunk drunk people. The recipe for the best Manhattan will be recorded and dubbed "The Taco Friday Manhattan."

Prizes to anyone who dresses as a scientist; double prizes for anyone who dresses as a particular scientist.

RSVP OR I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE COMING OH GOD I HATE YOU

there shall be no peace in the world so long as the angel resists me

Let us, friends, revisit the most recent Taco Fridays. I have fulfilled one of my many obligations and have brought you documentation of our mistakes. Pardon me, your mistakes. I ain't make none.




Just doin' a thing is all. I hope you happy and dry.

BLAST FROM 'DA' PAST

As we have said before, here at Taco Friday we are committed to bringing you the best, every time. There will be no Taco Friday this week, but instead, please enjoy a selection from my personal Goofus and Gallant fanfic archive.

"Good Salesmanship" - Goofus captures rats and sells them to younger children as "puppies." Gallant only sells real puppies, at affordable prices.

"Respect for Family" - Gallant helps his mother with the chores. Goofus sneaks out at night to shove beef suet into the tailpipes of neighborhood cars.

"Keeping Ahead of the Class" - Gallant hands in his homework on time. Goofus only raises his hand in class to speak when he feels that flatulence is coming on. He does not stop talking when he begins to pass gas.

"Your Body is Your Temple" - Gallant stays in bed when he is ill, so that he will get better quickly. Goofus reads medical texts, and then fakes potentially fatal ailments with eerie accuracy.

Taco Friday resumes in several weeks, on Friday, May 7th. Have an idea for Taco Friday? Please do tell. I've gotten bored of typical human interaction and am willing to ... experiment.

boombastic/inelastic/made of plastic/starts to fade but then goes faster

Taco Friday for Friday, APE-ril 16th

Taco Friday is today, my droogs. Since no one has RSVPed, I can only assume that it will just be me, sitting here, eating ten peoples worth of tacos and bourbon, yelling at myself and simultaneously making fun of and promoting my own penis. It's going to be a complicated affair.

JUST KIDDING, KIND OF. If you plan on coming, let me know sort of soon or else I swear to all dead gods that I will gut you just like a scared pig.

a fox shits copper

I'm not going to beat around the bush, people. I've got an announcement. Sit down if you're not already.

I'm sure you're familiar with the Clap-o-meter, if not by name. You may not know that Taco Friday also has a Clap-o-meter of sorts, except that it doesn't measure applause. This peculiar device determines the amount of fun had at one of our functions by the difference in the amount of whiskey in the bottle at the beginning of the night versus the amount the next morning. By overwhelming consensus as determined by this "bourbometer" (bur-BAHM-et-er) there will be back-to-back Taco Fridays. The week of April 12th features a Taco Friday at the same taco place and time, and goddamnit, we are going to have fun.

This post serves as a sort of placeholder. More information/uninhibited sass will follow later in the week.

Tacos Risen

Taco Friday for Friday, April 9th

Last Taco Friday was such a complete success/mess that it's taken me this long to get back into the throne in which I sit to write these dispatches. Thanks to everyone who came, especially the new folks. This throne, by the way, is not a metaphor. Ask Me About My Throne; No, It's Not My Toilet.

This complete exhaustion that sometimes follows Taco Friday reminds me that my friends and companions are like leeches that drain the little precious vitality that I have. You, reader, are like a parasite of the best sort. The liquor that we drink is my blood, which you somehow digest into friendship. If we follow this analogy to its logical conclusion, you use the friendship that you draw from me to spawn your fiendish vampire worm offspring. No, I'm not deleting this paragraph; we're just going to play it fast and loose.

If it's not clear from this, I am inviting you to a Taco Friday this week. This week's affair will be more like the days of yore. Not quite like the days of yore, but basically this means that T.F. will be slightly less elaborate than the more recent days. I'm going to make you tacos, and then, I am going to drink so much that I lie through my liar's teeth. Sorry, or, you're welcome.

Please let me know what up.

be the trouble you want to see in the world

Taco Friday for Friday, March 26th.

Who's got two thumbs and is hosting an ostensibly taco-themed party? This guy (me). As previously mentioned, Taco Friday is back in gear and ready to roll. It's been too long. I hope you haven't forgotten me. Do... do you remember me? My name is Adam, and I wear a beard and also my heart on my sleeve.

There will be no theme, but there will be dessert and also a secret surprise. Anyone who writes a short (two to three paragraphs) essay about Taco Friday will win a prize. Anyone who brings pictures of their parakeet will win a different, smaller prize. My hosses, I can't wait.

As always, the Taco Friday Customer Support Team is available at taco.friday.inquiries@gmail.com.

"History is merely a list of surprises. It can only prepare us to be surprised yet again. Please write that down."

Weeks without tacos; who could imagine this fate? Moreover, who could survive? This is what it must feel like for a father to fail his children, or maybe for a father goose to fail his goslings. I have no way of knowing in either case.

There are still twelve horrible days before Friday, March 26th, the next celebration that brings us together. This will be a grand time with a grand menu, enough to make up for three weeks of personal failings. Let's all consider what we've accomplished in Taco Friday, and how we've been bettered or worsed (read: wurst, or sausaged). What have you gained from Taco Friday? Have you gotten hit? Hit on? Did you meet your spouse or spouse-to-be? Did you rage, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing? I want to know.

Your personal essay task: What Does Taco Friday Mean To You? My video response:

I'm just going to leave this here

Congratulations, Whitesnakes and Melody.

The Camel's Back

Guys I'm so sorry.

For the next three Fridays, I will be out of state and therefore unable to host a Taco Friday. I will not be able to yell or even glare at you through hazy eyes. This is completely unavoidable and a shame beyond shame. Your consolation prize is this, a complete triumph of the human pigeon spirit.




Hu-ZZAH!