Taco Friday: J.B.'s 25th Birthday Edition / Revenge of the Droids

Taco Friday for Friday, June 3rd




What does J.B.'s 25th birthday party / Taco Friday extravaganza and the 2011 Star Wars Celebration have in common? You're nearly guaranteed to lose your AT-ST virginity and end up feeling conflicted about it. At the same taco time and same taco place, we will witness the miracle of a girl becoming a woman. Come and see your friend emerge from her chrysalis while standing next to people who probably harbor a strong grudge against you.

What makes this Taco Friday special? You will:

• Absolutely have to make a lot of mistakes because it is scientifically impossible for you to be a good friend while you are not
• Realize how unimportant you are, both in the very immediate and very universal contexts
• Experience how good gluten-free can be in a safe, taco environment

As always, contact the Taco Friday Customer Satisfaction Email Node with any questions. RSVP somehow or I will show you both the door and the hose when you arrive.

* Taco Friday occasionally gives you the opportunity to win prizes in conjunction with our semi-weekly ostensibly taco-themed party. A birthday is not necessary, but it is appreciated. Taco Friday employees and associated entities are not allowed to enter the drawing.

Taco Friday: Away Game Edition

Taco Friday for Friday, May 20th

Our good friend, J.P., will be hosting his third Taco Friday away game, attaining the first hat trick of this sort. GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL

For those of you who crave regularity, do not be afraid. Expect bad things to happen, but this time they will be nearer to parakeet than before. Mr. P. lives at 135 Central St., Apt. #5 in Somerville. Same taco time, however. Members of the Tribe, be warned that the meal will not be treif as it will contain hyrax.

Any questions can be sent to the traditional Taco Friday Customer Inquiry Node. Accept no substitutes.

Make new friends,/ but keep the old./ One is silver,/ your mother is a used up/ dead thing.

Taco Friday for Friday, May 7th


The time for excuses is over, ladies and people of the internet, and a new sun for bourbon and bocce rises. As promised, the most illegal Taco Friday of all time is to take place this week at the same taco time, same taco place. There will be - go figure - prizes; wonderful, horrible prizes that you can give to your mother for Mother's Day. Expired canned seafood will show your mom that you care.

What makes it so illegal? You name it: extrajudicial killings, money laundering, selling human organs on eBay. I don't even know anymore. Just come to this goddamned taco party and RSVP if you're going to come. God damnit.

I'm sorry :(:(:(:(:(

This is hard for me to say, so I'm just going to put it forward; I'd like to apologize for my behavior last night. I was feeling unexpectedly under the weather last night as may have been obvious by my nagging horse cough and conspicuously few dick jokes. I'm sorry you had to see this.

There having been a dearth of Taco Fridays in the past month, I know what you're thinking. "What's this shit? I expected to at least get threatened to get punched or at least have have worldview challenged as 'hypocritical, dangerous, and child-like.'" I understand. Again, I am truley sorry for your lots.

The next Taco Friday will be the most illegal to date. Let's get things back on track.

Seven AM wakin' up in the morning gotta be fresh

Taco Friday for Friday, April 8th

It's been a while. How have you been? Sit down, take the comfortable chair by the fire. No, no, don't get up. Would you like a drink? Here, let me show you something.


Life has not magically gotten any better since we've last met; your fears still nag at your beating heart and the warming spring air only fills you with anxiety rather than relief. Nothing has changed and you are no exception. Your only reprieve remains tacos and the dread fear of a dead or uncaring god.

Same taco time, same taco place. Rejoice in the glow a 7:00 pm setting sun and tacos, also bourbon. Bad prizes can be yours if you only somehow win a contest. If you don't RSVP and yet show up I will somehow draw blood from you by the end of the night.

R.I.P. the electrocution game

Dear friends, it is with heavy heart and great sorrow that I announce that the electrocution game is no longer amongst us. It's in a better place now (tradition insists that I say this; no place is better than wherever Taco Friday occurs).

Beloved by many, and hated by those who think it was "too scary," the electrocution game was born in a nameless factory in China, assembled by equally nameless workers. Through humanitarian intervention by J.P., it was brought here to Somerville, where it lived its life making our own more exciting. It is survived by all those who still do not have full sensation in their hands. Services will be held some Friday in the future. In lieu of flowers, donations in its name can be sent to DOGPAC, a political fund established to lobby for the promotion of dog AIDS.

Amen.

Taco Friday lost and found

Again, I found various possessions following a Taco Friday that will be joined in a civil union with urine if not claimed. They include:

1. A thin gray sweater, presumably belonging to a woman
2. A black knit scarf, presumably belonging to a woman

CLAIM THESE ITEMS if they are yours. Otherwise, urine.

Taco Friday GUEST STARS pt. 2

Taco Friday for Friday, February 25th



This Friday marks the second in a series of two (2) GUEST STAR Taco Fridays. On the docket is your friend and mine, the most powerful social media game mogul known to man, DJ DarLin' Darwin. Who is this mysterious plutarch? Please see the below condensed corpus vitae.

• B.S., Cornell '05
• Adept practitioner of NLP
  
• Enjoys a long horse

Come have a bad time as this miracle dons a chef's hat and has KITCHEN DUELS with yours truly. Bourbon is strictly enforced. Same time, place, don't ever RSVP until the last second, etc.

Taco Friday GUEST STARS

Taco Friday for Friday, February 18th



YOU ASKED FOR IT, and boy did you get it (nothing). This Friday marks the first of two consecutive Taco Fridays featuring special guests. For whatever reason other people "wanted" to "come" to "Taco Friday." Do your best to show them the kind of welcome that you would like to be shown (urine), or better yet, drink a Four Loko with them and yell and cry and feel bad and get punched.

RSVP or else I will have to resort to evites.

Taco Friday lost and found

The management has found the following items upon morning cleanup and encourages you to claim your lost possessions. Items not claimed within seven days will somehow be used in conjunction with urine.

1. Tupperware container with red lid
2. Security access badge, presumably with access to a pharmaceutical company
3. The shame of a lost generation (claimed)
   
4. Three headbands fashioned from red warning tape reading "DANGER PELIGRO" (claimed)

ALSO FOUND:

1. A bag of groceries, including parsnips (added 18:50:01) (claimed)
   
2. A black knitted hat (added 18:50:22)

Thank you,
TFMGMT